December 05, 2005

Welcome to Dumpsville, population: me

In response to Meloknee's post:

I have never, to my knowledge, intentionally dumped a friend. I have, however, been dumped by quite a few friends. Five, actually. A variety of methods have been employed by these former friends.

The first: L., Grade 6
We had been best friends for as long as I could remember. Around 5th grade things started changing as she climbed the social ladder. She was "mature" for her age (if you know what I mean) and I was not. After a year or so of this growing schism, she took me aside and said that maybe we shouldn't be sleep-over friends anymore, so much as just say-hi-in-the-hall friends. Why? Well, because (in her words), "as people get older they move to different levels in their lives, and I feel like I've just drifted to a higher level than you." That made it easy; I was far more disgusted than hurt.

The second: J., sophmore year in highschool
It's the slow drift with a twist. I was one of J.'s best friends from 6th grade on. (Unfortunately, she was my only best friend.) I attended the local public school with her freshman year and then transferred to prep school for the remaining 3 years. She decided to ditch me before I could ditch her (which of course I had no intention of doing). That one was pretty painful.

Three: M., summer after senior year
This one's different; there were many important contributing circumstances into which I shall not get (yay, grammar!). We were part of a crew, 8-strong at the peak. M. and I were particularly close. I truly loved her deeply, and I always will to some extent. There came a major split in the group. I understood the emotions behind it but still thought it was rash and unnecessary. M. broke up with each of us individually in letters. She said it was important for her to turn her back on that part of her life and not have contact with people like us anymore. My first reaction was very cruel, but later I think I might have gone so far as to plead with her. That one still hurts.

This is exhausting, so I'm not going to get into the fourth and fifth. Suffice to say, #4 was an all-out blow-up screaming match followed by extreme frostiness (which has since thawed to the point that I attended her wedding this fall). The fifth is still in progress after almost two years: he's given up on us, but not we on him.

So that's me: never the dumpee, always the dumped.

Posted by liz at December 5, 2005 08:44 AM

Liz: you raise some very interesting topics here. Topics that are very dear to my own stories of friends. I think this deserves a counter-post, which I will begin work on immediately.

Posted by: melanie at December 5, 2005 09:08 AM
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